Family Stuff

Finished the BA in December and walked last month--at 52 years old. Headed to Graduate school now. But more than anything there have been tons of family "issues" that have been informing my writing. And I HAVE been writing even though I haven't been posting. Poetry and thanks to "permission" from Stuart Dybek during a lecture, I've started on an autobiographical novel. But here's the most recent family stuff.

Mother Blue
Out over misery soaked visions~ “B.B. King” by Sterling Slumpp

I’ve sunk beneath and
Suffer the suffocation of oblivions blackness
Don’t tell me, son of my sun
Of dreams unrecognized, unrealized
Son, I’ve shriveled under the crushing weight
Of dreams deferred, dear son

Strangled by my own
Choked by the clawed hand of guilt
Dreams deferred, dear son.

What do you know
Of sorrows deep-throated grief
Who swallows eternity whole?
What do you know
Of a mother’s heaving, gasping, aching,
Empty bosom, pierced
And drowned by the floods?

Strangled by my own
Choked by the clawed hand of guilt
Dreams deferred, dear son.

What do you know
Of joy who scratches and clutches,
Digs until her bloody stumps feel
The yellow brilliance of dawn?
Even when it’s but a glimpse and
Back to blackness as despair
Chuckles viciously and that
Dirty sorrow buries joy forever.
Still
Joy begins anew
For she hears the harmony of hope.

Strangled by my own
Choked by the clawed hand of guilt
Dreams deferred, dear son.

Hope that dances a polka, a twist,
Hope that sings a cheery do-wop,
Sings energy who is cloaked in vivid,
Vivacious, passionate red inspiration. Together
They thump and pump and sing. They sing
And dance a jig that tramples dark despair
And that seedy sadness beneath strong,
Quick tapping toes.
And while they bump and sway
Joy’s bloody stumps reach again
This time clasped and held tight
Inside the blue electric jive of energy and hope.

Guilt asphyxiated, dear son.